A GREAT lesson on DUMBASS link requests....

Got this GREAT link request today - let's break it down and have some fun shall we?

And I'm not passing this guy any link love either so no links!

Ok here's the email:

"Hi
I just thought I would send you a quick compliment on your website
and while at it, I thought I'd ask if you would mind exchanging links. My site is: http://www.#i-am-a-potential-spammer.biz and I will be sending aproxamitly 1000 - 15000 search engine visitors to the site on a daily basis starting Feb 05 2007.

In other words... LOTS OF TRAFFIC will be dropping by, which will benefit both you and I... IF we exchange links that is. The reason I'm asking you to exchange links is because I noticed that your site has related content and I am really trying to boost my search engine rankings and I figured the best way of doing it would be to
insure that we both would greatly benefit from it.

I am actually putting your link on: http://#www.dumb-ass-spammer#.biz/link.html right now and ask if you would be kind enough to place a link on anywhere on your site - linking back to my site at: http://www.#blank-due-to-it-being-spam#.biz with the text "Search Engine Marketing" or even "SEO Optimization".

I want to thank you very much for your consideration and am looking forward to doing business with you in the future.

Konrad

PS - Should you decide to do me this favor and accept my proposal, simply email me and I'll enter you into to a contest to win $100. If not, I apologize for this inconvinience and shall never bother you again."

Ok Konrad, let's put together a little lesson on sending out legitimate link requests shall we?

DUMBASS LINK REQUEST RULE NUMBER 1:

Learn to S-P-E-L-L or take time to read your email before sending it to me, it needs to be picture perfect for me to be interested. You've spelt quite a few words incorrectly and thats a bad sign though I'm not worried about American English spelling. I'll let you figure out this one.

DUMBASS LINK REQUEST RULE NUMBER 2:

You've not used my name! So you obviously did not look through my website in any great detail. Sorry but do I look like a sucker? We online marketers all know that the best response to a link request is a personalized email with the website owners name (or at least their position within their company). It only takes a simple phone call if it is not immediately obvious online.

DUMBASS LINK REQUEST RULE NUMBER 3:

No, I don't mind exchanging links but I am going to check out the content of your web site first. I am not going to be too concerned with design (though that is a bonus) but more with your content - is it authoritative, resourceful and user friendly? Or is it just spam.

From the nature and type of your domain I think it's the latter but lets be generous and give you the benefit of the doubt.... no, I spoke too soon, your site - straight off the bat - IS SPAM!

DUMBASS LINK REQUEST RULE NUMBER 4:

1000 to 15000 visitors A DAY? From the 5th February 2007? That is AMAZING - just how are you going to do that with a 3 PAGE website full of affiliate links - but hidden as contextual links for your users to click on?

If, Konrad, YOU can prove to me those figures rather than make a potentially false and inaccurate statement then I will link to you but somehow I doubt your claim without hard evidence.

A little link research from the Neato backlinks tool tells me enough I need to know and a Google Page Rank of "0" confirms my suscipions you're just about an SEO nobody... IMHO...


DUMBASS LINK REQUEST RULE NUMBER 5:

Ah a little bit of honesty.... yes my site has related content and yes I understand you are trying to boost your search engine rankings. Listen Konrad I am in the search marketing industry I am NEVER going to link to your affiliate site, cause quite frankly I feel its crap.

DUMBASS LINK REQUEST RULE NUMBER 6:

Ensure we both benefit from it? Sure, I'll link to you and get penalised for linking to a potentially BAD neighbourhood IF Google does find it. Sure I'm gullible enough that I just cannot miss out on us BOTH benefitting... or more likely YOU benefitting at the expense of my website's users....

DUMBASS LINK REQUEST RULE NUMBER 7:

One good point. You've put my link on first - lets go wander over to your website and see if it is actually there, shall we? I'm hoping you have put it in but I get a sneaking suscipicion (heh there's that word again Konrad) you haven't.
I'm really hoping you've proved me wrong!

And 15 seconds later, nope, no evidence on your links page (as at 06-Feb-07) of a link to my All Things Web website and no evidence in the code either - I checked just in case you were using anchor text, the same way you asked me to do for you.

DUMBASS LINK REQUEST RULE NUMBER 8:

Looking forward to doing business in the future together? When hell freezes over my friend...

DUMBASS LINK REQUEST RULE NUMBER 9:

Winning a chance of a $100 prize in your contest. Tell you what, save yourself the trouble. Mail me the $100 and I'll put a link somewhere to you (I reserve the right to choose the domain though). I'll donate the $100 to the SEO Industry to train others - how's that, sound fair? Does to me. :)


If you're going to want to get a link from my website or this blog to your site then I am afraid you're going to have to try a little bit harder to get my attention in your email and with your online content!

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